It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.
-Martin Luther King Jr
To start with, it's important to understand what disagreement is. According to the dictionary, disagreement means lack of consensus or approval. In simple words, the lack of agreement to the opinion of the other person about a particular thing is called disagreement. For example, your everyday arguments with your family, friends or your colleagues are the result of disagreement of your thoughts with theirs.
We often indulge in petty fights or arguments with our kin and things go out of place. Do you know the reason behind it? It's the lack of connection with the other person while your mind processes the disagreement. To make it easy for you to understand, I decided to put this article together in a different way.
I successfully tricked a couple into answering my questions regarding the topic and I am warning you, they are adorable! So here it is, the interview of the couple who chose to stay anonymous:
Ques 1: How long have you been together?
Although it seems quite long to the world, but to us, it's just the start. We've been together for 8 years now.
Ques 2: How high do you mark your compatibility quotient?
To tell you the truth, it's as low as the start of the last layer of the soil! There are three types of things in this world, ones that she agrees to, second are those that I agree to. We rarely see the third ones!
I think you are exaggerating it.
There you go!
Ques 3: How do you deal with your disagreements?
I think he can answer that better.
Totally, that's one thing we agree to. We often end up disagreeing on a thing that we agreed on at first but after a discussion, our views change. These disagreements often lead to a hung up call in between the exchange of a dialogue on the phone or a slammed door on the face. Yes, I'm telling you, relationships are tough. The extremes are that she wouldn't eat or answer the phone. It bugs me, really hard, but it always ends with an 'I Love You'. That's where our disagreements fail to keep us apart. I have to reply to these three words and so does she, no matter what because in the end, that's what matters, right? Your love shouldn't be clouded with anything, whatever may be the intensity of the fight, it can never win against love.
Ques 4: Who makes the first move?
That would be him. He's the one who makes the first move, be it my mistake or his. Not that he is timid and can't cross me, it's just that I'm too haughty to accept my mistake quickly and he can't bear to wait till the time I say sorry. And hey, don't judge me, he's teaching me how to be quick and I'm learning. I have learnt enough to make the first move at times but in vain. His anger is still hard to handle for me. I'm just an explorer to that aspect of his behaviour!
Ques 5: How do you stay connected during a disagreement?
Our love keeps us connected. However hard we may fight, it is never enough to overpower our love for each other. We may not talk about anything but there would be a stream of I love you's because that's a time when we don't really want to talk but don't want to hang up the phone either. Love is the guiding factor of our connection. We know that this disagreement is going to end in a while and it's not something that has the power to attack our relationship and bring us down.
Ques 6: What about the times when the stakes are high?
You mean a heated argument? That's likely to occur, but that doesn't mean it changes anything between us. We are two different individuals and it's obvious that we'll have different mindsets. What keeps us connected is the love we breathe. To tell you the truth, we weren't much in awe of each other's sight when we first met. Time made us realise that we were made for each other. Many heated arguments came in this journey of 8 years, but not a single one had power enough to make us disagree at the fact that we are meant to be together.
We know that there will be times when the stakes will be higher than they have been so far, but to be able to picture that today is what keeps us connected.
I personally think that the answers couldn't have been more appropriate as regards to the cause.
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
To dig a little more deeply into the topic, it's likely to be pointed out that there are many other relationships to stay connected to and not just your spouse or the potential being. When it comes to people other than your immediate partners, the situation becomes easier to handle.
Be it your parents, your friends or your colleague, the driving force over here has to be compassion.
When you enter into an argument with the above-mentioned people, you often judge the other party's intentions. This trouble can be done away with if you follow the path of the transformation of your ideology from judgement
. Be kind to the other person even if the disagreement is nowhere near settlement. Your only chance to connect with that person is to target the cause of disagreement rather than the person you disagree with.
We fail to recognise the other party when we are drowned in the pool of our innate anger and negativity. Remind yourself every time you disagree with someone that you are connected to them.
When your mind makes peace with the fact that you are connected, ask yourself whether the disagreement is worth so much that even if it ends up in ruining the connection, you'll keep going?
I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
The ladder we choose to climb has to be held by someone to assure we don't fall flat on our face, for the power of the wind is mighty enough to blow us away with a single gush.
So, what do you think?
'How to stay connected during a disagreement?'
Leave your views in the comment box!
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Let's spread the love in the village, the global village! :)
This post is part of #1000Speak for Compassion movement for 20th April, 2015. Last month over 1000 bloggers from all around the world spoke on Nurturing,#1000Speak, to make a difference, however small. They spoke to affect positive change and to instill hope. To get the message out that the world still cares. Is it surprising then that it was a great success? This month, 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion continues to work toward spreading compassion with a particular focus on Connection, including reconciliation.
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